The last time I went out 'clubbing' with my girls, I had an oddly aweful time- everything was perfect, the girls were the best group I could have imagined, I had drank just the right amount, I was in my favourite trendy bar/club in town, yet I still didn't enjoy myself. ( Okay, so my best and biggest heels broke whilst dancing resulting in me falling flat on my face in front of dozens of people- this kind of thing doesn't really bother me though.)
I wondered why I didn't enjoy my self?
I wondered about this for 3 weeks. In this period I have avoided going out to bars or clubs, subconciously.. but avoided drinking willingly.
Tonight is my breaking point. I am going to a girls take on the world cup.. a party to watch all the 'hot' footballers running around with plenty of single girls and alcohol, alcohol and more alcohol.
Desicion time though, do I drink tonight?
I haven't really felt the urge to drink but I have wanted a cheeky mojito a couple of times. So, shall I drink to get drunk? Enjoy a few? or just be the sober one?
See, issue is that, I don't know if it is possible for me to enjoy a sober party.. I remember 2 times when I went sober- worse parties I have been to... ( My good friend Matts party, I ended up being a bitch and leaving early. The second was my other good friend Jess birthday party, in which I ended up sitting alone, with a bowl of chilli and rice as company- I also ended up leaving early. )
The fact that I am sitting here writing this blog also reveals an answer to me, I am supposed to be at the party at 6, it is now 5 o'clock and I have un-straightened hair, nothing to wear and still undecided on whether to drink.
I always think about my brother, because he used to drink alot ( not like an alcoholic, but like a fresher at university) and one time, I went to visit him at his halls and ended up getting paralytic (the one and only time that I cannot remember) and hospitalised him,by trapping his hand in a lift door and continuously pressing on the up buttons, he ended up having plastic surgery on his hand... 6 weeks later, the first time he was allowed to drink again, he fell down a flight of stairs (ironicly, as he was avoiding the lift) and his head hit a metal bar, he now has a 3 inch scar across his forehead (and he loves his appearance so this, this was a bad, bad event)... Sean couldn't drink for a year. This makes me think that if he could avoid drinking for a year and still enjoy his social life, then could I do it for summer. But, I guess not because, I am reconsidering the prospect only 3 weeks later... I guess it is harder when you have a choice.
Anyway, I shall see where the night takes me and I will update you on my results.