- No tight fitting outfits allowed!
Lets be honest quick change isn't ever going to be graceful pulling off skinny jeans. Especially when you squeal at nearly loosing your balance, the shop doesn't want a bad rep you know!
- Thou shalt not comment on thy ill fitting dress over lunch.
When you and your friends sit down for a venti caramel frappachino, calorie busting, gut punch from Starbucks, it's not a great time to bring up diet tactics for fitting in those skinny jeans, especially if it happened to a friend, even if you were only mentioning that 'They totally put the wrong size label on them!'.
- Thou shalt not use passing La Senza or Ann Summers as an opportunity to bring thy my sex life.
Ok so it's great that you got your moneys worth last time you bobbed into the adult section, we can handle that. But please, for heavens sake spare us the gory details!
- Thou shalt warn thy neighbor before they mouth off attire, that someone behind them is wearing it.
Has this happened to anyone!? I always make sure to check before I call 'Looks like something my nan would wear.'. Gosh how embarrassing, I think this is pretty important to remember!
-Thou shalt find thy friend the perfect outfit to try on in front of the counter hottie.
Admittedly I'm awful at this. I'll always remember shopping in Newlook with a friend who fancied the guy on counter and I exclaimed ''Err what!? HIM!'' A little too obviously - poor boy, I feel awful now! However, take the opportunity to grab the nearest skimpy dress, hold it up against your friend and say 'Yea you'd look really nice in that, I can't imagine you in that on the arm of some mystery man.'
-Thou shall ALWAYS remember, T-shirts are not dresses.
The grunge look of an over sized band shirt and tights is cute yes, but that's as far as this goes. 'Long' tank tops on a night out are the main offenders. No matter how bad you stretch it, as soon as you stand up again that elastic will rise back up, more noticeable than tomorrows morning sun!
- Thou shall play the hideous outfit game.
Oh come on, you love it! Don't be the boring one that doesn't accept the outfit, it's not like those pictures will end up on Facebook or anything, or will they!
- Thou shalt not take thy neighbor's comments to heart.
Your friends can be trusted when it comes to the changing room banter but if the comments get catty then it's time to take a step back. There is a difference between ''Maybe try a size 14.'' and ''Stop kidding yourself and get the next size up.''. But if it comes to massive 70's prints and they say no, maybe take a second look in the mirror and ditch that jumpsuit!
- Thou shalt not sing or dance to shop music.
Yes for some reason JD puts on loud dance music in a strange attempt to entice you, but no dancing is NOT acceptable. Especially if you are already in the store. Those shelves and hangers are only fragile, one false Usher inspired step and it's all over.
- Thou shalt not freak if thy neighbor buys the same item of clothing.
It really isn't that bad. It doesn't mean you have to wear it on the same day like freaky twins. Just dress it up in a different way, and hey, isn't imitation flattery?
Any of you bon bons agree!?
Happy shopping girls!
Love J.